I'm Number One
by gladysnotw
Summary: {FROZEN AU} Taking the song 'I'm Number One', I've written a short story of Hans and Elsa being a peasant couple who are dangerous criminals. And, they're both fighting over who's number one. Just read and ENJOY XD (ONE-SHOT)


**A/N: What have I done? Well, seeing as many of you (including me) enjoyed 'The Big House' short that I made, I was listening to some songs when I got this song stuck in my head. And, I thought it'd be a funny duo with Hans. I wasn't sure who to have him sing it with, but Elsa kept popping up in my head...don't ask questions and enjoy XD **

**Song: 'I'm Number One' from Muppets: Most Wanted**

Elsa and Hans had just stolen some royals jewels. They hid in their bedroom. Being peasants wasn't easy for them, but they had been living well of of everything they had stolen.

"We did it, honey." Elsa panted.

"I'm still surprised you managed to keep up with me. I've never seen you run that fast, except when chocolate or I'm in the room." Hans smirked.

Elsa wiggled her finger. "Ah, ah, ah, dear. Manners, manner! Remember who Arendelle's worst criminal is?"

Hans frowned and muttered, "You…"

Elsa cupped her ear and leaned in. "What's that, love?"

"I said, you, my little snowflake. You're one, I'm two. I think you've mentioned that before." Hans spat.

"Oh, don't worry, love. I'll get my name written in history as the worst criminal in the world."

"You mean _both_ our names, right?"

Elsa smiled. "Of course, dear. My name first, and then, spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, your name!"

"Sure." Hans said, dully.

_I'm number one, you're number two_

_We're criminals at large, but I'm at larger than you_

_I'm number one, you're number two_

Elsa leaned in and lifted Hans' chin with her finger. He slowly smiled back at her, lost in her crystal blue eyes.

_I believe in equality as long as you get less than me_

She gave his face a small slap, and she began to walk around the living room. Climbing out of a window, she entered an alley.

_I'm one_

Hans sighed. "You're one."

_You're number two_

"I'm number two."

_You may think that you're smarter, but I'm smarter-er than you!_

Hans grimaced. "Did you just say 'smarter-er'?"

He climbed out of the window after her.

_I'm number one, you're number two_

_You're lucky to be number two, not number three!_

Hans rolled his eyes and folded his arms. Elsa approached him and poked his nose with her finger.

_I can see by the look in your eye_

_You want to get a bigger piece of the pie._

Sneaking behind him, she placed her hands on his shoulders.

_One day, you'll get your chance._

Then, she shoved him forward with a smirk.

_But in the meantime you've got to dance, monkey, dance!_

Hans rolled his eyes and began to tap dance.

"Really? I hate dancing."

_Do it, dance monkey dance!_

Elsa began to dance herself. Hans sighed and sat down on the ground to watch her.

_**I'm number two, she's number one**_

_**I can't believe I'm working for an insane woman**_

_**I'm number two, she's number one**_

Elsa shouted, "I'M NUMBER ONE!"

Hans stood up and shrugged. Elsa continued dancing around him, taunting him. He ignored her and climbed inside the house, through the window.

_**You know life's gone to the dogs, when your boss is your wife!**_

Then, he imagined the house was glamorous and filled with expensive furniture. The floor was marble and a chandelier was hanging from the ceiling.

_**I can see it's just a matter of time**_

On the wall was a huge portrait of Elsa. Hans took it down and tossed it aside.

_**Before she's gone and I'm at the front of the line!**_

_**It won't be long 'til I'll get my chance**_

_**But in the meantime, I've got to dance monkey dance**_

He began tap dancing again, but even faster. He smiled proudly, as Elsa climbed back inside.

"Now, watch me!" she said.

She tap danced just as fast, causing Hans to stop. They stood next to each other, and she embraced him in her arms. They began to waltz.

_I'm number one!_

_**She's number one**_

_You're number two_

_**I'm number twooo**_

"That's it, love! There you go. Now, step aside. This ain't your show!" Elsa said, shoving him away.

_I'm one!_

Hans imitated her. _**I'm one**_

_I'm number one_

_**Yes, we knoooowww**_

_I'm number oooooooooonnnneeee_

_**She's number oooonnnnnneeeee**_

Elsa spun around him and fell backwards, purposely. Hans gasped and caught her in his arms.

She smirked. "That's how it's done!"


End file.
